The 85th Academy Awards® will air live on Oscar® Sunday, February 24, 2013.

Self Esteem

Date : February 28, 2016Comments : 0

And The Winner Is… You!

The Academy Award night is here again, and people around the world are holding their breath to see if their favourite actor is going to pick up an Oscar.  Screened live in more than 200 countries, the awards ceremony has been on the go since 1929 and is popular among A-list celebrities and armchair judges alike.  A celebration of superb performance on the silver screen – what’s not to like?

Many actors are nominated for an Oscar yet never receive one, and I have often been left wondering how that must feel.  To be shortlisted for such a prestigious accolade, then to have it given to someone else at the last minute must be a powerful experience, and perhaps not always one which is enjoyed, especially if you or others think the Oscar is deserved.  Of course, to be an ‘Academy Award nominee’ is an achievement in itself, but the person concerned will still go home without the golden statuette.  How would you feel if the spotlight suddenly moved two tables to the right and you were left out of the limelight?

In the world of person-centred therapy, there is a concept known as the locus of evaluation, which can take two forms; the internal locus of evaluation and the external locus of evaluation.  One of the aims of person-centred counselling is to foster the former in a client, and to reduce the latter.  An external locus of evaluation can be defined as ‘a dependence on the judgement of others for appraisal of oneself, generally regarded as less healthy than internal locus of evaluation’ (  Put simply, if you have an internal locus of evaluation, you are more able to tell yourself “well, I might not have won this year, but I’m alright really and I enjoy my acting – maybe next year!”  Someone with an external locus of evaluation however may be at the mercy of thoughts such as “I can’t believe I didn’t win, surely they recognise how hard I’ve worked?  I can’t believe I’ve failed at this, I’m a hopeless actor!”  The first response is more desirable than the second, and more psychologically healthy in the long run.  I have worked with clients to lessen their need for approval and so have shifted their locus of evaluation from being almost entirely external to being largely internal.  The result can be a steadier outlook, with the person being more able to weather the storm of the fickle opinions of others.

If you were going to the awards ceremony with a nomination for ‘best actor’, would you be able to feel OK about yourself, even if you ended up congratulating a colleague instead of giving your own acceptance speech?  To have an internal locus of evaluation underpinning your own mental wellbeing – wouldn’t that be worth more than temporary applause?  If you did have one, I daresay the real winner – once again – would be…  you!


~ Rob Oglesby MBACP B.A. (Hons) BSc  |  Ashwood Therapy


[Ashwood Therapy provides a discreet, confidential and professional online counselling service by encrypted video call, live instant messaging and secure email.  More details, including tips on wellbeing and information on current counselling session pricing, can be found at]


Film about depression and the removal of ego – The Peaceful Warrior

Sometimes, trying to find inspirational movies that not only entertain us but motivate us and also educate us on how to overcome depression can be difficult to come by but fortunately, I stumbled across this one based on ‘true events’ and a book known as ‘The Peaceful Warrior‘.

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Date : February 24, 2016Comments : 0

Looking Forwards – Solution Focused Therapy

My core counselling training is in the humanistic-existential orientation and, more specifically, is predominantly of the person-centred approach (the ‘PCA’). This type of therapy is ‘non-directive’; the idea is that the counsellor does not tell the client what they should do in their situation, or what areas they should explore in their therapy. I have heard it said that solution focused brief therapy (SFBT here on in) is just the opposite of the person-centred approach, and that the two are vastly different. During my continuing professional development training I came into contact with an SFBT practitioner, and was intrigued when he stated that in his mind, SFBT is just the PCA “with a twist”. Further training in the style allowed me to see that SFBT, while directional is not necessarily directive. I incorporate elements of the solution focused approach occasionally into my counselling work, and often it has very positive effects.

For an SFBT practitioner, going backwards into the reasons for and origins of difficult issues is not the aim of therapy. The focus is on the future, and on solution-building, not problem-solving. The difference is subtle, but key. Sometimes clients are so stuck in what has happened to them that they are almost imprisoned in what has gone before and therefore struggle to see a way forward. The theory goes that while driving a car, although glances in the rear-view mirror are useful, it is better to look forward through the windscreen at what is to come. SFBT works by looking for exceptions, and building on them. An exception is a time when the problem (which, remember, is not the focus of the therapy), is not occurring. If a client is struggling with a particularly low mood, an exception could be when they feel lighter, and when things don’t seem to be as negative or troublesome. Examination of what is happening when that exception occurs can lead to the discovery of how to build a solution for the future, rather than solve a problem from the past. Doing more of what helps, helps.

SFBT is not in my experience the way that all clients wish to conduct therapy. It can however be a useful set of skills employed to help move a client on in a situation which seems unresolvable. On several occasions both the client and I have realised that what is required is to simply walk away from what was, and into what is and what can be.


~ Rob Oglesby MBACP B.A. (Hons) BSc  |  Ashwood Therapy


[Ashwood Therapy provides a discreet, confidential and professional online counselling service by encrypted video call, live instant messaging and secure email.  More details, including tips on wellbeing and information on current counselling session pricing, can be found at]



Date : February 16, 2016Comments : 0

How to heal from depression in your own unique way

Recently, I have read articles discussing that there is going to be more investment in mental health and easier access to ‘talking therapies‘. Something that I feel incredibly strong about is the fact that each and every person’s experience of depression is ‘unique’ and so how a person will heal from their own personal depressive experience needs to be explored more than accepting tablets and talking therapies as the only solution because when those things don’t work you can feel like there is ‘no hope’ when hope very much STILL exists!

In this blog post the founder of BoM is going to discuss some of the different possible causes of depression, share several therapies that are known to help the healing process of depression (backed by science) and the importance of trying different therapies until you find the one that seems to work for you.

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how not to talk to someone with depression


Date : February 9, 2016Comments : 0

How not to talk to someone with depression

Many of us don’t realise some of the things we say to people who are suffering with moderate to severe depression doesn’t help and can make the very real life threating condition worse. In this video from Hope for depression Research foundation they clearly show how we sometimes treat people who are dealing with depression in the wrong way. Continue reading “How not to talk to someone with depression”


Depression,Life Experience

Date : February 7, 2016Comments : 1

Understanding your emotions can help you control your experiences

Emotions , we all have them, we don’t always tend to understand them and most of us let our subconscious do the hard work of whether to laugh, cry or get angry but what if we could become very aware of our emotions and how we respond? What if we had a chart that mapped out all our emotions. I mean, what if we could choose to REALLY laugh at something that would usually make us angry, wouldn’t that be marvellous!?Going from a feeling of total rage to feelings of happiness and joy.

Well it is possible to train your brain to be this way with some conscious effort. This blog post explores the profound affect of being consciously aware of our emotional bodies to improve our mental and emotional health but also change our perception of our lives as a whole.

Continue reading “Understanding your emotions can help you control your experiences”