suit with tie

Depression,therapy

Date : May 23, 2017Comments : 0

How to achieve great wealth

It is human nature to always want to progress and to pursue comfort, happiness and freedom and most people think that there is only one way to achieve these 3 things… money. Money and the pursuit of ever growing wealth is the pursuit of most of us, we go to work to pay our mortgage/rent , to raise our children and to buy our food and the constant weekly working torment to achieve these important commodities of life never ceases to end. In this blog post the founder of BoM John discusses the importance of not focusing on what we don’t have but on appreciating the things we do…even the poorest person can be extremely wealthy!

Continue reading “How to achieve great wealth”

What's Your Story?

What’s Your Story?

Some time ago I was fortunate to be able to attend a professional development workshop run by Professor Jeffrey Kottler, an academic visiting the U.K. from California State University on the west coast of the U.S.  Professor Kottler, an experienced therapist and educator of the next generation of counsellors in the States had a take on the therapeutic process that immediately rang true with me even though I had not up to that point devoted much thought to it.  Our lives, Kottler stated, are our stories.  The job of the psychotherapist is to make sense of our clients’ stories with them, and to assist in the positioning of the client so that he or she can effectively author – within their limitations – the next part of the saga.

This struck me as quite a straight-forward statement at the time, yet having reflected on it since I have come to appreciate the power of the image Kottler was conveying.  I have realised through my time spent with clients that we are all, in our own way, engaged in activities that will hopefully make the present situation better for ourselves and those we care about, while at the same time trying to make sense of what happened then or why we reacted the way we did on that day.

Difficult Chapters

Some people that I counsel have lived through difficult chapters – some through harrowing ones.  Some people are haunted by shame, others by grief.  Some have been deeply unsettled by the pages written by others when they were too young to even write their own name unaided.  I have learned that a lot of people do not show what is written inside the book of their life story too readily.  There are perhaps some things within that we fear we may be judged for.  Or maybe some paragraphs are present that may cause us to be thought badly about.  Some dreams may be ridiculed if we share them with others, and some truths are kept close because they would hurt others deeply if they were ever shown the light of day.

Not Finished There

Kottler felt that through a relationship with a professional therapist, people whose stories are not sitting well with them could be assisted to find new meaning in challenging times.  Perhaps not to completely re-write the story, but to look at the past from a different angle that would allow the future to be authored in a different tone.  I would agree with him, and this has certainly been my experience in counselling clients at a hospice for children and young people.  In engaging in a working alliance with a mother or father of a child who is no longer loved in their presence, but rather in their absence, the search for how to go on writing when all seems lost has at times been heart-breaking.  The story, however, has not finished there.  I have witnessed on many occasions the rising up of a resolve to finish the book well in honour of a loved one.  It seems that resolve can empower those who are left behind to pen some truly inspiring words.

Coming To Terms

Whether you look back at some parts of your story so far with disappointment, embarrassment or indifference, I guess the fact is that we can all slowly choose to look positively at what comes next, if we truly want to.  We might not have an eraser with which to delete undesirable passages, yet perhaps coming to terms over time with what happened in the pages that have gone could be the next best thing.

~ Rob Oglesby MBACP B.A. (Hons) BSc | Ashwood Therapy

[Ashwood Therapy provides a discreet, confidential and professional online counselling service by encrypted video call, live instant messaging and secure email.  More details, including tips on wellbeing and information on current counselling session pricing, can be found at http://www.ashwoodtherapy.com/]

Middle Age

Life Experience,Motivation,Relationships,therapy

Date : October 5, 2016Comments : 0

Middle Age: Looking Forward at 45

As more and more people turn to therapy to help them make sense of their own personal life journey, the issues around life stage changes often crop up in the counselling room. We are all generally living longer, not necessarily keeping the same partner for life and are reassessing what it means to live in today’s busy world.

Mid-Life Crisis

The mid-life crisis is a familiar concept, often stereotypically associated with the buying of a sports car, the quitting of a long-held job or the starting of something new, sometimes with the desire to escape or blot out the emotional and mental turmoil that can hit as we reach middle age. In my clinical experience, while not all clients are negatively affected by this life stage, for some it is a difficult period. Awareness of our own mortality, a realisation that some of the dreams of our youth may never be fulfilled and dissatisfaction with our current employment all seem to be frequently experienced features of this life phase.

Empty Nest

If children have flown the nest, this can also add a sense of purposelessness where once there was utility. Clients can feel that they may have more yesterdays than tomorrows, and that what once was certain is now up in the air. Looking at a partner who is perhaps not the same person we promised our lives to all those many years ago can bring feelings of insecurity and restlessness. How can this maze be navigated?

Sowing The Seeds

Although some people wish to (and do) make changes to the way they are living their lives, often a chance to get it all off their chest and out in the open in a confidential, non-judgemental setting can bring relief and sows the seed of acceptance. I find that sessions spent with clients struggling to make sense of their past decisions and unsure of the road ahead can ultimately be very rewarding and satisfying for us both. Once the therapeutic relationship is established and the client has the chance to air their worries and fears, they often regain a sense of being master of their own ship and set a course more confidently into whatever the future holds for them.

Refocus

Although nothing is guaranteed, if you have reached ‘middle age’ and have relished the rollercoaster journey of life up to the present day, what’s to say the second half can’t be equally as fulfilling? You may just need to give yourself time to look around, regroup and then refocus. We can’t change what has been and gone, but we can tackle head on what is to come!

[Ashwood Therapy provides a discreet, confidential and professional online counselling service by encrypted video call, live instant messaging and secure email.  More details, including tips on wellbeing and information on current counselling session pricing, can be found at www.ashwoodtherapy.com]

tablets are not the cure for everyone

Depression,therapy

Date : September 18, 2016Comments : 0

Help depression not just through anti-depressants but through exploring therapies

Back when I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety in 2011 to help depression , my initial treatment was 40mg of citalopram (the highest dosage allowed) and to add me to a waiting list to see a mental health nurse (which took three months after I had been taking Citalopram).

The tablets, on the other hand, were instantly retrievable from the local pharmacist and within two or three weeks did had an improved effect on my depressive mood. Several months after taking the anti-depressants but all I was diagnosed as severely depressed by my nurse (three months to get that diagnosis ) and 4 hours of CBT. Continue reading “Help depression not just through anti-depressants but through exploring therapies”